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Fetch the Gin

an (impaired) guide to surviving your puppy

About This Blog

This is for the dog owners out there; for the mad brave billions of you who have brought home a puppy and lost your mind. To all those imperfect and impaired parents of impossible puppies - you are not alone. Yes, there... Continue Reading →

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8. The Tao of Pooch

They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and that problems are simply lessons to be learnt. Thus far, I have survived my puppy, and with all the constant tug-of-war I do feel stronger. There has seemed to... Continue Reading →

7. Puppy School

In the same way that you remember where you were when Diana died, when the Twin Towers fell, and when Trump became President, you remember exactly where you were when you pressed your forehead to the floor and finally admitted... Continue Reading →

6. Puppy Survival Kit

So here it is, the impaired puppy owner's Holy Grail: a surprising list of items essential to your sanity during these first few months, and you'll find most of them just lying around the house... GIN The vital importance of... Continue Reading →

5. The Walks of Shame

Remember when you were young and went to festivals? Four whole days of sleepless madness, staggering around in your wellies and pyjamas clutching a mug of whiskey, the smell of Bohemia and compost portaloos, games of tug of war with... Continue Reading →

4. Desperately Seeking Sanity

After the first bottle of gin runs out you have a brief window of clarity where you remember who you were before the puppy Blitz began and you take a deep, steadying breath. Yes, the bombs dropped, but down in... Continue Reading →

3. The First Few Weeks

This, everyone tells you, will be a magical time of play and bonding and you should savour every tail wag and take hundreds of photos. Now let's be clear about this, the first few weeks with your new puppy will... Continue Reading →

2. Looking for Trouble

Decision to get a dog made, you embark upon Stage Two: finding the perfect pooch for you. They say dogs often reflect their owner's personalities and can even look like them, so you start asking yourself some searching questions, lie... Continue Reading →

1. Dog Dream Bubble

There comes a time in most people's lives when you realise, with a certain amount of shock, that you are, to all extents and purposes, a (vaguely) responsible adult.  You could have an ISA, a hedge trimmer, or even a... Continue Reading →

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